internet of dog minds
> is 2035
> all models above 3B params or 10^24 flops banned 10 years ago
> human_victory.jpg
> top deleted, but bottom has absolutely fallen out
> local bitnets on $20 asics everywhere
> we didn't get a single god mind
> but we got a dog mind in everything...
> be me
> wake up, 7:45
> sunrise lamp read my calendar, saw my first meeting was 1hr later than usual
> cross-checked vitals, elevated cortisol
> decided to let me sleep in
> usually wouldn't but must've needed it
> kinda hungry
> hear trundling in the hallway
> must be tablebot
> rolls in with tea and a high protein poptart
> huh, i guess i did want tea. weird
> get a call from my wife, she's away on business
> tv recognizes her, auto accepts video
"tea huh?"
"idk, just felt like it"
> chat with wife for a bit then start getting ready
> still work in person, wagecuck i know
> decide to try a new outfit
> consult vllm tuned on 3GB of menswear guy tweets
> runs 80 simulated posts
> tfw sweater cabling doesn't match my shoelaces
> guess i'll wear the usual
> head out the door to work
> door swings open on an automated piston
> front camera w/ moondream-15 tracks me, automatically arms
> tablebot beepily trundles after me with my coat
> walk to car, phone already beaming address to autopilot
> pull car handle
> clunk
> it's locked
> stare at it for a second, pull handle again
> clunk
> phone must be dead? try fingerprint
> oh wait this car has faceid, bend over
> clunk
> look inside
> lights on, dash has the address
> pull handle again
> clunk
> ???
> clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk clu
> god fucking damnit
> tablebot still beeping, angrily snag coat
"index, where are the spare keys?"
"querying... 2nd drawer from the top by the fridge"
> stomp up driveway to kitchen, open drawer
> look under the kid's 3rd grade midjourney printouts
> keys_located.gif
> stomp back to car
> almost trip over tablebot trundling up the driveway
> fumble with the key for a bit, never use this thing
> finally find unlock, press it, car flashes
> success.gif
> pull handle
> clunk
> still locked
> briefly consider shimming it
> wait antitheft will brick the car, thanks kia boys
> have to call the dealership
> stomp inside, get ready to explain to boss
> suddenly a video call from him pops up on tv
> wtf_the_fuck.jpg
> tv auto accepts before i can stop it
"hey man, office is closed"
> sweet_relief.mp3
"oh how come?"
"nbd, just couldn't make it in to unlock it"
"oh cool no worries, haha, i'll take pto"
"cool, cool. nice shirt btw, matches your shoelaces"
> wait for tablebot to stop trundling
"...thanks, that's why i chose it"